The paparazzi pins down the Papa

October 18, 2005 · Posted in Pregnancy, fathers, parenting, relationships · 5 Comments 

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“If the mountains won’t go to Mohammad, then Mohammad will go to the mountains”

Using this inspirational saying, I hunted the elusive dad-to-be for his thoughts on conception, pregnancy, labor and his upcoming new role.

Below are the results of this EXCLUSIVE interview:

CONCEPTION
Q1: How did you feel when your wife showed you the +ve pink strip when you were brushing your teeth?
OK ah (Tip #1 - Warm up the subject with chocolates, potato chips or a cold drink in order to draw out more expressive answers).

Q2: Did you suspect that she was pregnant before this?
Oh yes (very confidently) – my wife is a fast food, spicy food, junk food, TV junkie. I was very surprised when she started choosing bee hoon soup, koay teow th’ng and loh shee fun almost every night for dinner.

Also, I knew she was stressed over her work but she’d rarely miss her favorite sitcoms or movies - I knew something must be up when she collapsed on the bed at 8 pm every night after work (smiling proudly at his sharp perceptive skills).

Q3: So…you realize that she’s going to have a baby. What was your first reaction?
Happy lor…so, we’re not going to go back to Kuching for Chinese New Year next year. Oh, that also means no more travel already.

Q4: Then, just barely a week of finding out about this, you got an sms while you were in KL that she encountered some bleeding.
I was worried as a couple of months back, I had a friend from the States who was in Malaysia when he got a distress call from his wife that she was bleeding. He was *very stressed* then as she was crying and called him repeatedly.

He had to take an immediate flight home and was very edgy until he got onto the plane.

Unfortunately, the baby didn’t survive and they were very sad for a while. When I got that sms, I prayed that it’s a minor incident and that I will be strong for her. We’re ok now and my friend’s wife is also expecting her second baby soon.

FIRST TRIMESTER

Q5: Did you notice any changes in your wife and how did you cope with them?
First, she was hungry all the time but couldn’t take the usual foods she used to like. So, I had to be ready with suitable food options at meal times for her to reject or accept.

We also made more frequent trips to the supermarket to stock up on food at home. Soon, she got tired of having bee hoon soup or koay teow thng every alternate day and started cooking her own meals. I’m quite glad for this because she’s suddenly eating healthy, wholesome foods (especially oats which she shuns completely before this).

Second, her sleeping patterns changed completely. We’re talking about someone who LOVES to sleep in on weekends and never wakes up before 7 am. I, on the other hand, am an early riser who’s up by 5.30 am everyday.

Now, she wakes up at 5 am automatically, has her breakfast and then cooks her lunch for work. On weekends, she beats me in waking up early. I think this is God’s / Nature’s way of preparing a woman for motherhood.

Third, her energy levels dropped drastically. For someone who can browse through 2 shopping malls the whole day without feeling tired, she couldn’t even bear waiting for me to finish shopping at the supermarket for 30 minutes.

She also slept a lot during weekends and when awake, preferred to sit quietly, even complaining that the TV was too loud even at low volume. This was GREAT for me as I could watch ANY channel I wanted on TV anytime I wanted ha ha! (Interviewer rolls eyes as a tribute to all wives married to football-mad husbands)

Finally, because I’m a perceptive dad-to-be, I noticed that she was nauseous when she brushed her teeth, when she bent over, when she smelled something strong or when she coughed too violently.

When she discovered that Colgate’s spice flavored toothpaste didn’t make her gag, I gallantly used the remaining mint flavor and changed our toothpaste to this flavor from then on.

To minimize her bending, I reorganized our kitchen and made items she’d regularly use within reach. To keep her from coughing too much, I restrained my excellent sense of humor and cut down on my supply of belly-aching jokes (Interviewer suppresses a long gag. At this point, the subject tries to adjourn the interview by cajoling the interviewer with smooches and cuddles – with no success).

Q6: What do you think about the periodic visits to the gynae?
The ultra-sound scans are VERY interesting. Initially, we could only see a bean-shaped thing which has a heartbeat - imagine seeing a baby in the 3rd month! We were quite surprised!

She was quite shocked too but as always, I remained ‘cool’, I’m a ‘cool’ guy, right? (Interviewer ignores that and looks pointedly at him to go on). We look forward to each appointment and scan as that’s the only way to know how our baby is developing and we’re always delighted with each new bit of info we get. She’s very forgetful about the figures so it’s my manly duty to remember the weight, length and other mathematical measurements of the baby.

SECOND TRIMESTER
Q7: Any changes during this period?
From the 18th week, she became her normal self again and could eat a wider range of foods. This meant that we started eating at Kayu’s, Nando’s, Pizza Hut, Domino’s Pizza frequently although she’s still fanatic about getting her balance of proteins, iron, calcium, fibre etc.

However, I have started looking 3 months pregnant myself!

We’ve also started shopping again but I limit her time to 3 hours max. One of the first things we bought was the book ‘What to Expect when You’re Expecting’ and we have been reading it together.

I found out more interesting facts about pregnancy and the baby’s development. And since she’s supposed to start exercising now, I’m going to make sure she gets some exercise as she has now that the baby is feeling heavy. She used to swim, which is a gentle exercise to prepare her for labour, so we will be on the look-out for maternity swimwear. Sigh, shopping again…

One exciting moment was when she started feeling the baby kicks. Initially, she felt ‘flutters’ which she described as ‘fingers tickling your stomach lining’ and then the real kicks came. Since they were new, they felt quite painful and she’d rub her stomach to soothe the pain.

But it’s Papa’s hand that’d quieten the baby. We guessed that the baby knows it’s a different hand from hers and keeps quiet until I take my hand away. It’s a really weird feeling the baby move!

Q8: How did you feel when you discovered that you were going to have a son?
Err…I was seriously hoping for a girl as it’s just my brother and me and he had just got twin boys. She, of course, wanted a boy as she’s got two sisters and two nieces. Also, if I got a girl, I could win her over with my charm and generosity with McDonald’s, Barbie dolls and whatever else she wants that her cruel, strict mother wouldn’t buy. And, I was really looking forward to teaching her to be a more balanced girl than her wimpy Mum. So, I was a bit disappointed when the doctor first saw the cuckoo bird.

Anyway, she thinks that the baby has my eating habits as he usually kicks around meal times. I am very punctual for my food. And after reading a book on baby development, she found out that boys are slower at speech, potty training and socialization, not naturally hygiene-inclined and also prone to behavioral problems…so she’s a bit wary about bringing up a boy.

Looks like I’ve become useful again and since I also have to show him how to pee, I’m looking forward to seeing this little boy but we’re definitely going to have a second child coz I want a little angel for myself.

I know this fellow will worship her completely so I’ve got to throw in some football, F1 and outdoor activities to balance his chopping vegetables, shopping, writing, reading, talking, drama and other weird activities she’ll involve him in. It’ll also be good if he can be a football star so I can retire early.

We’re also having fun playing with names – too bad though she doesn’t agree with Ronaldo, Jose, Ronaldinho or Roberto…

Q9: At this point, you must have noticed your wife’s growing belly and increasing weight gain…
Of course! (a little too enthusiastically) She was miserable about outgrowing even XL sizes and not keen on wearing maternity dresses. I also don’t like the maternity dresses with bows, frills, flowers and what other things they put on so I’m ok with anything she wears as long as she’s happy and doesn’t bug me about it!

I know a lot of pregnant women feel depressed about putting on weight and growing a big, round belly but I think she looks cute (interviewee is rewarded with a benign, approving smile and pinch).

And I think the growing belly is very interesting…it’s like an experiment in Bio class (Interviewer’s smile fades very quickly).

But I’m also sad when I see the belly growing day by day because I hear from my friends that I’ll have to get used to not having my wife’s full attention when the baby comes :-(

Q10: Any thoughts about the labor process yet?
Well, I know I’m already summoned to the delivery room and at the ante-natal classes we attended, the husbands are ‘coaches’ who should listen carefully to what the midwives’ instructions and encourage their wives on the suitable actions.

She’s asked me if I’m interested to cut the umbilical cord but I DEFINITELY do not want to do that. In fact, I feel that she’s having the easy way since she’s not at the other end where I’ll be looking at the blood and gore.

For now, my tasks are to be her coach, her scratching /gripping /biting/ cursing post, to memorize the baby’s features or take a photo and tail the baby to the nursery when they settle him there. I also thought it’d be fun to shoot a video of the whole thing (Interviewer shakes head for a decided ‘NO’) but I think I’d better concentrate on keeping her fingernails short just before she goes in labor.

(…to be continued)

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Week 15c - Getting to know hubby

August 16, 2005 · Posted in Pregnancy, relationships · 3 Comments 

One interesting advantage that came out of our almost 24 hrs together now (going to work, dinner, nights, weekends and public holidays) is that I get to know Hubby a bit better now.

After being together for almost 11 years, I know that we have “severely different interests” and that still stands till now. I can’t EXACTLY remember how we shuffled and shook our interests to fit each other in — I think our love for food may have helped a lot here.

Now, we still don’t really share each others’ interests but we do take a cursory peek/push into them sometimes.

Let’s see, he…
…loves football, which unfortunately I don’t unless it’s the World Cup finals. For the other matches, I’d watch only when there are actually some goals being scored, really cute guys playing ;-) or if some of the players are hot-tempered that there’s a fight! He’s extremely disgusted with these reasons because to him, football is an art or poetry in motion.
…loves the Formula 1 races, which again I don’t enjoy except the occasional pit stop or particularly exciting race.
…loves reading the newspaper and absolutely cannot live without it for one day. For me, I’d head straight for Section 2 (lifestyle and feature articles) so this works out well for us i.e. we don’t fight over the paper! But I do envy his general knowledge and grasp of our local happenings.
…loves electronical/mechanical stuff while I’m limited to the musical cellphone or computer with Internet connection. However, I do read In.Tech and am a bit in touch with the latest gadgets and techno world but I just don’t go into too much detail. Most importantly, I wouldn’t spend the $$$ needed for any of these, which again works out well coz he never runs out of birthday presents for me ha ha!

Anyway, since a) we’ve been stuck together and house bound, b) he’s been the perfect husband and c) I’m now more tired, I’ve been extra nice to him = he can watch his live matches, races and news more frequently now.

With that, I’ve come to appreciate the technical intricacies of automotive technology behind the F1 races, esp now with the new rules that stipulate the teams to use the same set of tyres for the qualifying races and actual races.

Ha, it turns out that Ferrari is the only team (if I recall accurately) using Bridgestone tyres while the others are on Michelin and so poor Michael Schumacher has having some difficulty hanging on to his No.1.

With each race, it’s interesting to see if Schumi, his team of engineers and the Bridgestone folks have managed to figure out the perfect strategy to put him in front again.

Oh yeah, and that Schumi is a master blocker — I saw that in action recenlty when he tried to hold back Kimi Raikkonen as long as he could. I still don’t feel the adrenalin that Raph feels when he’s glued to the set for the never-ending 60 laps but we’re getting there…

Another sport I’ve learned something more about is of course, football. The English Premier League championship is now on till April next year and I’ve found that football fans may actually be interested in coaches as well as the players and the matches.

One such coach is the famous José Mourinho, for Chelsea. I found him to be quite attractive and after watching him during the Chelsea vs Wigan Athletic match, he turns out to also be charismatic and passionate about his team’s performance.

I was quite surprised to hear him comment that his team didn’t deserve the winning goal (scored by Argentine Hernan Crespo, ahem, ahem!) because he thought they should have been faster and more dominating in the second half of the game.

He also praised Wigan for their superb performance and warned his own players not “to come knocking at my door if they don’t get to play in the other matches”. Quite a colorful chap, this one.

Long live Formula 1 and football!

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