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I received some really sad news this week during a chat session. Someone I knew IM-ed me:

“Hey, did you hear about A’s baby?”
“What about? I hope it’s nothing bad.”
“It is bad.”
“Oh no…what happened?”
“The nurse found that her lips were blue and advised them to quickly go to the hospital. But it’s too late, the baby passed away this morning…”
“Omigod! Omigod! Poor, poor A!”
“I cried when I heard about it.”
“My heart stopped just now. Poor A! That’s all I can think about now…”

My heart really froze over and goose bumps appeared all over my arms when I read those words. All I could think of was A, whom I had just chatted with over the phone about her upcoming delivery. She was so happy to go off on her maternity leave and excited to finally find out if it’s a boy or a girl. She’d told me that she had actually just put away all the baby clothes and equipment when she found out she was pregnant again.

She knew that I was still breastfeeding and expressing at the office and had complimented me on my milk supply. When I told her that everyone can do it, it’s just a matter of maintaining it correctly, she was eager to know more. I had happily shared with her the hand-outs I got from the hospital and also useful websites she could read up on when she was free.

She was quite happy to know the real facts behind breastfeeding and was also thinking of investing in a good pump this time. Already a mum of a few children, she was quite hesitant to spend too much on a pump but another friend offered to seriously buy it from her for her second child. Everyone around her was at their prime, cheery, encouraging best - exactly what one should be around a pregnant lady.

All I can think of is how she would feel when she found out the cute, little baby she’d been carrying for the past 9 months is gone. How quiet her home would suddenly be without the loud, persistent cries of a newborn baby. How huge the empty baby room, the cot, the nappies, the washed clothes and everything else would loom when they return home. And I’m sure her tears would well up again each time she thinks of the baby clothes, the baby’s smile, the baby’s cry, the baby’s little antics…

I just cannot imagine being her and the pain she is going through now. I spent the rest of the day visiting Lilian’s “My Little Hero” and “My Healing Path” sites of grieving mothers. Somehow, I joined A in grieving for her dead child. I cannot explain it but I just felt very sad the few days after hearing it and I still feel sad when I think about it.

When we talked about it, some people mentioned:
“It’s better for the baby since she would only suffer if she had survived.” Yes, on a positive side, I would agree on this but it still wouldn’t ease her pain.
“Time will heal.” I don’t know about this since I still feel sad whenever I think of someone I know who had passed on. And I’m sure many others who have experienced the loss of someone dear to them will agree.
“Luckily she has other children. Some people don’t have any.” As I’d read on the sites above, many would offer this as comforting words but to me, a child is still a unique, special individual which others could not replace. I definitely wouldn’t say this to her.

I pray and hope that she will be given time to grieve for her dear child and then pick herself up again. When I see A again, I believe that I could possibly tear up and end up not saying anything but just offer her a hug. Over time, I may suggest to her some of the sites she could visit and perhaps help her to create one dedicated to her child, if she wants to. Is that what I should do??? I just want to offer some help and consolation from one mother to another but at her own time and terms.

May God bless A and her little girl. And all the other little angels. Amen.

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