Ok, I am ALWAYS reading about wives grumbling about their husbands on most mummy blogs. I’m not a psychologist but since I:
- am a tomboy – yup, grew up climbing trees, making tiger fish “satay” (stabbing them right out of the stream! Of course, I CAN’T do this now), flying kites and spent more time in shorts than skirts;
- grew up with more boy friends than girlfriends,
- was ALWAYS seen as “one of the boys” until I got fed up of it later,
- am closer to my father than my mother,
- am fascinated with mechanical stuff (not building blocks!!!) and
- my father spent a lot of his time telling my poor guy friends to STOP calling the house during my teens
Here’s what I learnt from “the boys”:
1. Don’t nag
Yup, that’s one thing Hubby will always thank his lucky stars for because I do not nag. How do you know if you’re nagging?
Just spend ONE DAY in an apartment block and you’ll be able to hear 1-2 or if you’re really lucky, 4-5 housewives going on and on and on and on and on about last night’s TV series, her son’s report card, her bad deal at the market etc
If you’re walking around the house picking up clothes, keeping toys, wiping the table, kicking drawers closed AND talking up to 10 sentences without taking a breath, you’re nagging 
If your husband or boyfriend looks “glassy-eyed” or is intensely focused on the newspaper or remote control or whatever is in his hands, it means that he has stopped listening.
And you’ve had to ask,
“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME???”
2. Choose a right time
If you really want him to listen to you, choose a time when he’s really relaxed:
- after he takes a bath,
- after he checks out the sport section or stocks section or whatever flies his boat in the newspaper,
- after he fills his stomach.
The best moment will be when he rubs his stomach and smacks his lips and starts looking out for snacks! Ahh…as you lovingly tear the bag of chips, and hold it out for him, tell him what you need to tell him.
Or, when he gets ready for an evening smoke…
3. Talk cold, hard facts
Strange but true, few men understand feelings. They may be able to feel but they can’t really talk about them or even respond to them.
Furthermore, I read that physically, men and boys do not have as good listening skills compared to women and girls. Thus, they tend to zone in on what’s important.
I once spent 15 minutes talking to Hubby this wonderful shopping experience I had with a good friend (in more than 10 sentences) and here’s what he heard:
“You went to Gurney Plaza today. You bought a very cheap bag (what, tote? torte?) You had lunch at Chilli’s…Her husband was admitted in the hospital.”
See what he picked up?
4. Don’t sigh, don’t pout, don’t dramatize
Maybe this works for you or in the TV dramas but most of the men in my family tend to run when the “drama queen” shows up. It’s another form of “feelings” in action and they ARE tired after a long day’s work, you know?
Plus, they may have had to deal with other “drama queens” in the office. They don’t need another one at home…
I know a SAHM who dolled up her kids and herself and cajoled / demanded her husband to drive them to the mall as she was sick of staying at home all the time.
Her husband came home on the dot after work but no matter how many times he said, “I am tired”, “I just want to rest at home with you and the kids” she’d pout, lament or complaint until he gave in.
What happened? He started coming home late and later, he had an affair. When she found out about it, she stormed to his office and made a HUGE SCENE there. And she also started to flirt with his friends and colleagues as a way of getting back at him.
Guess you can guess that the marriage soon ended…
5. Use visual cues
Men are more visual than women, which is why they tend to look at pretty girls walking by and why little boys can spot even the tiniest, tiniest train in a picture containing 100 over other items
Since Hubby is away at work, he couldn’t really appreciate what I did at home. After all, he leaves home before 7 am and is back at around 7.30 pm. By then, dinner is ready and the house is relatively clean.
Any disasters happening mid-morning just before nap time or after nap-time had already been cleared up.
Furthermore, the boy is so *HAPPY* to see him and greets him with a big, bright smile yelling, “Papa! Papa!”.
The wife is of course
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
agree
I love this!! Thankfully, I do none of the above. BUT………..I do have this “sour” face that I put on when he pisses me off
Aiihhh, maybe you should consider presenting for EE?
I was laughing while reading the post. So ironically true how men behaved at times. Lol
i think i do nag at times….i mean i am afterall a woman, married wif 3 kids, i dont know how not to
but wat u said r right & applied to my man….so perhaps its time for me to reflect, haha
thanks for sharing yr thoughts!!
The best part is making up eh? Yup, men hate hate hate nagging big time!
cool, “man”!
this is a very good article for a woman’s magazine!
cool article! yes, do not nag! =D
i love this!
it’s so true, just we women are more emotional than rational esp when it comes to our spouse.
thanks!!!
so, be honest, u really don’t nag at all?
Sasha – Short and sweet!
Paik Ling – Samelah LOL In fact, the boy can imitate me now OMG! And he’ll ask, “Why your face like that? (frowns and scrunches his face) I want happy face! Happy face!”
Bart – Thanks, KIV, ok? You didn’t say yes or no…I fear I may just scare couples off marriage!
Etceteramommy – You found it funny, eh? Guess your Hubby is something like mine too!
Jacss – No worries..we all do it sometimes
Health Freak – Expert eh? LOL
Allisia – LOL
whoisbaby – Ooh, really? I must try my luck…
Kenwooi – Thanks for the men’s perspective
I need more validationlah…
Iqa – Guess that’s why WE are married to them! If we’re not emotionally affected by them, something’s wrong, right?
leeyen – Ok, I should change it to “I rarely nag.” When I do, it’s only once and I NEVER repeat because it’s a waste of my time and energy. Better used to sleep or do other things
hey, u got more responses from ladies here. lol…yes, this is funny and i have to agree. and i can’t wait for how to talk to a woman now! hehe.
btw, i’m so guilty for most of the above!
Nagging doesn’t work with my man. We also rarely have arguments. As long as he brings home the $$$, I am happy. hahaha…
spot on!!!
Even though I try not to nag, because I think ALL MEN hate that. But sometimes, just can’t help it. You know, being a SAHM facing 2 young children, it is at times, stressful and I need to talk to somebody.
Syn – Really??? I don’t believe that you are like that at all! Come on…
Linda – That’s the way, babe LOL
Chew Lee – I know what you mean. I DO grumble if I’m stuck at home >3 days with the kids! That’s why now I worry about public holidays esp days when the kindy’s closed O_O
This is really useful for a young married wife like me
(Still not enough “makan garam” like you) Thanks!
farhana – Cough, cough, cough! Take only the good ok
I’m still learning too…
Oh yes, I nag. I don’t care if he’s not listening. It helps me get some steam off
Actually, I think it is unfair to every SAHM that the husband who works expects to come back to a happy quiet home and the wifey should be there to serve him. Come on, SAHM has one of the hardest job in the world
and I salute you, my dear.
Good one KittyKat.
like to think that I am not a nagging person.. but arghhh I’m turning into my mother……. OMG
Immomsdaughter – I do that sometimes too LOL
About the SAHM part, I do agree with you that it’s too much to expect a quiet (with kids???) home and that the wifey should “serve” the husband. But I do try my best to provide a happy home for all. That’s what a SAHM is for, right? If not, I wouldn’t call myself a SAHM.
Maybe we can try a SAHM, a PTWM who wants to be a WAHM instead of a FTWM. Let’s try pronouncing all this hahahahaha
Happy Chinese New Year to you!
shilla – Same here, same here. Actually I’m turning into my father, who is the one to nag. My mother’s strategy is to sigh and tell sad stories. I should try that sometimes to see if it works on my husband