The answer is YES.
Let me share with you 2 experiences:
Case 1
When my boy was a 2 year old toddler, I had great difficulty getting him to eat. He was a VERY FUSSY eater and it worried me sick watching him grow thinner and thinner. Plus, he was falling sick all the time.
One night, I was really fed up that he refused to eat the soft rice and dishes (including a soup) I had prepared. Instead of making him another dish he would eat, I started to scold him. Then, I hit a ruler really hard on the dining table to drive home the message that if he doesn’t eat, Mummy will be very angry.
He actually started to eat the spoonfuls I gave and even Hubby kept a stern face. However, the racket my scolding, table hitting and his crying had been really LOUD.
Our next door neighbour is a big and tall army officer but he’s very smiley and friendly the few times we met in the lift. Midway through the meal, we heard knocks on the front door – it was the army officer.
He smiled and asked if everything was OK. I opened the door and explained to him the situation – he looked at the boy (who was actually scared of him because the Chinese preschool tells the kids sometimes that soldiers would take them away if they were naughty 
). And he told him to be good and eat.
Then, he turned to me and told me,
“Try not to get too angry with him. He’s still a child. We adults need to be patient. Talk to him nicely, I’m sure he’ll co-operate and eat…”
I was touched that our neighbour cared enough to knock on the door (wooden door and metal door closed) amidst the ruckus to check on the boy. After that, I didn’t scold him that loudly anymore or even used the ruler!
Case 2
A Chinese opera troupe used to live next to my parents’ home. They were loud, crass and hardly ever slept. We really pitied their 4 year old daughter because her sleep was often disturbed by the many, many visitors at their home at odd hours of the night.
One of their regular visitors were a young divorcee and her boyfriend. She has a 4 year old girl too.
One night, my parents heard the boyfriend loudly scolding the little girl for something she did. Then, they heard a whipping sound – my father knew that he had taken his belt and was whipping the toddler!
When he didn’t stop, my parents couldn’t stand it and went over. My mother was very tactful and told him,
“We heard her crying and I felt uncomfortable (Hokkien = gang khor). She’s still small. You’ve already hit her. She knows she’s wrong. It’s enough already.”
The boyfriend stopped but he defended his actions by saying that she was very naughty. The girl’s mother just sat nearby – she probably didn’t dare to stop her boyfriend.
My father was quite angry and replied,
“She is just a child. She is so small. You are a MAN. You can hit her all you want and she can’t fight back. Why don’t you hit me instead?
(Bahasa Melayu = Dia budak kecil. Kamu jantan. Lu boleh pukul dia berapa kali pun dia tak boleh pukul lu balik. Lu pukul sayalah!)”
My father is a tall, dark and muscular man. People who have met him will label him a “tough guy” especially as he rarely smiles. The man didn’t answer.
After that, my Mum said that they never hear of the little girl getting hit again.
The recent cases of child abuse in Malaysia have me really torn up, especially when the newspapers report that neighbours “hear the child crying for WEEKS.”
How can anyone stand hearing a child pitifully for weeks?
And if you know someone is doing something wrong to a child, how can you just go about your daily affairs as if nothing is wrong? How can you sleep at night?
We can do something if we hear of such happenings. As the two examples above show, we didn’t need to do anything dangerous. Just approaching the family to show that you care for the child is enough.
As a stay-at-home Mother to a very, very active small boy, I can get very IMPATIENT and ANGRY with him.
Maybe the parents who abused their own kids were just as impatient and angry too. Financial problems may have put more pressure on their lives that they just cannot handle a toddler’s demanding and unreasonable behaviour.
I felt really sad for the 3 year old girl girl who had been punched, beaten and jumped on by her 27 year old stepfather for over a month. Her 24 year old mother, a housewife, had another 3 month old infant to care for and since the stepfather was jobless, I can imagine how desperate their lives have become.
When I read this other report about how A MAN, the neighbour heard the child’s cries and screams and “always felt uncomfortable and wondered where the cries come from” but NEVER thought to check on her like a friendly neighbour?
I know many people feel that it’s awkward to approach a neighbour because you don’t want to appear a busybody but think about it: you could save a child’s life just by caring. And because you care, the parents will also be woken up by an objective third party.
Sometimes, we can all be too caught up with our homes and our lives that we don’t realize what we’re doing.
Sometimes, we need someone to ask, “Hey, what are you doing??? Is everything okay?”
We are a caring society, remember?
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s true. If they know their actions have gotten the attention I’m sure it can somehow send them a concious message to rethink their actions knowing they are being ‘watched’ by the neighbours. Unfortunately not many are willing to take that first step to voice out for fear of inviting trouble. Hopefully the govt can encourage more awareness in this matter of heart. At least a helpline to call if v suspect aby child abuse.
poor girl. i notice many prob comes from couples who married and have children young
It concerns me that there are parents who support the Crying-It-Out method to train their babies to sleep. To me, this is almost like child abuse too.
me also can become very impatient. i give few warnings before hitting unless its very serious like telling lie..
anyway, those neighbors shd have reported or be concern over the children crying for WEEKS..isnt it too late ..
I agree, we as parents of very young children can sometimes really feel to the edge of our patience especially when the child habitually shows fretful/difficult/demanding behaviour, but we adults must always remember not to get too carried away with our angry emotions to have to resort to harmful beating. Agree, gentle reminders from people nearby are good, only concern is how well the parents can take it to have to be reminded by outsiders of their parenting ways.
Malaysians are caring only to the extent of not wanting trouble upon themselves. I don’t think we can stop it but we definitely can show that we care. Btw, note to self, if I’m too scared to go over personally, there is a Tele-Dera line that I can call. Must go find out what that number is.
Etceteramommy – I’m glad you feel the same way. And I hope more and more Malaysians are like that too. We should not feel scared – in many cases, it’s just stress that causes the parents to unleash their anger and frustrations on the poor child. We just need someone to tell us, “Hey, cool down…stop and think about what you’re doing.”
Chinnee – Ya, I believe financial and marital problems are usually the root of the problem. Couples who marry young are very, very pressured.
MieVee – Crying it out? Boy, you’ve hit on a subject that’s been on my mind for a long time. Will post on it soon.
Wen – You too, eh? It’s *really* difficult to be a parent esp to a young child. I am really lucky to have my Mum around to remind me NOT to be too hot headed
Ya, it’s really sad that they heard the crying for so long and yet didn’t do anything.
Alice Phua – Yup, agreed. I strongly believe that if we act with the child’s welfare in mind, only good will come out of it. Seriously, the moment people know that others are aware of the situation, they will be more careful.
Paik Ling – Teledera hotline will be ended. We need to call ’15999′ (Talian NUR) for victims of domestic violence, child abuse, and natural disasters.
I know what you mean about being scared to go over personally. Record what we hear on our phones because it’s proof.
What a thoughtful post and how sooooo true! Sometimes, I do find myself being overboard with my emotions too, especially when I’m all stressed out.
Aiyo…me too hit to the table only. When Yang refuse to do homeworks. Otherwhise, they hv to stand corner!
My mum’s neightbour used to abuse maid. She sat on her maid and hit her, my mum ran to their house and stopped her. She is hv post natal depression and the hubby need towork can’t 24 hrs look after her.It’s happen during her husband distribute product to the seller. The maid was so pity, she only gave her biscuit and milo nia, in 2 yrs time, the maid slim from L to XS! my mum always curi-curi gave her makan. When she leaved, she gave my mum a big hug and wish my mum all the best. The gila one, no maid liao ma, continue abuse her own son, only son, she loves her sick daughter. everyday cry and cry and cry… exam 96 alsokena pukul! She is really sick! Due to my mum report before, it’s has been a long time their family never say hito my mum and even build a completely seal wall in between!
Immomsdaughter – I’m quite surprised to hear moms owning up to this. Personally, I feel that stay-at-home Mums are in the high risk group especially if we’re cooped up with the baby or the kid too much.
Allisia – Your neighbour is unbelievable! Luckily your Mum went to the maid’s rescue but I am sorry to hear that she abuses her son??? And nobody does anything about it?
become more sensitive to this subject especially now I’m a mom, do understand since sometimes kids can be difficult, we can be exploded too but very sad to know they are abused by someone close to them =(
This is a well written piece and drives to my heart. I too have 2 little children who drive me nuts. I’ve raised my voice and hit many times and I’m sure my neighbours would have heard me. Yes, we must excercise patience on children and always remember that they too have rights espicially when they cannot even defend themselves physically.
Lilis – Reading your comment, I can see that you’ve grown up so much, my dear
I wonder what it’d be like if we all had a chance to meet up again with kids in tow!
Wyomia – Hi there! Thought you’d be reported already if you hit your kids in the UK? I hear that we can’t lay a finger on kids in the US but in Asia, hitting your kids is very much a part of our lifestyle. But I think more and more parents my age (and younger) are going the “spare the rod” way.