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After yesterday’s post of our first week in preschool, I must seem like a real whack job. I’ve just had lunch with one of my friends who told me that her cousin was in tears herself after accompanying her son for just one day! OK, I’m not THAT bad then…
If the effect is such on the adults, how do you think the kids are feeling?
Here’s what I think:
WEAKNESSES
1. Bigger, better, stronger… - If you think Singaporeans are kiasu, you haven’t met the Chinese yet. In China’s case, it’s a real matter of survival. After all, in a sea of 1.3 billion Chinese people (with a majority of Han), how are YOU going to stand out?
The elite will have no problems. The new middle class is trying really hard through education and cultural enrichment. The poor is just trying to make it day by day - their kids will just have to scrabble it out themselves.
Thus, the pressure to perform is really there. This means toddlers as young as 2 years old are thrown into preschool “cold-turkey” i.e. dumped right into the teacher’s arms from the first day (strongly advocated).
The scenario is seriously ugly and violent - I really hate being there and having Lucas witness this. Imagine his vision of school:
1 or 2 teachers forcefully grabbing kids, prying fingers off their mothers’ or grandmothers’ necks and hair and the mothers running out of the room for the teachers to quickly lock the doors behind them. The crying kids pound their little fists on the door frantically!
Tell me, how is the above different from having your child kidnapped? It looks the same to me but the above scene is correct. So the observing children learn that it’s ok for people to do that to you.
The Chinese way is to swallow bitter medicine first and savour the sweet honey later. Yes, your child is going to scream, yell, cry and get traumatised but he/she will adjust. Never mind the idea of abandonment, fear and lifelong feelings of insecurity. They need to be strong to survive!
2. Alienation and peer pressure. Obedience is a highly valued trait and you’ll hear everyone parroting, “Hai zhi yao ding hua”. If you don’t, you will be left alone or the teacher will say nobody will play with you because you do not follow what others do.
This is how they get children to obey to their every command - threaten to ostracize them! Isolation! Loneliness! A pariah! Send you to Coventry!
I’m all for discipline but don’t like the way the herd mentality is promoted. Be like sheep! Blend in! Don’t stand out! “Dare to be different” is NOT recommended…
No wonder I always have classes and classes of super quiet and obedient Chinese-ed students who hardly ever let out a peep in class or dare to do things differently from the rest of the group! The Chinese school education system is starting to sink in clearly now.
The basic Communistic principle of a society of equals at its roots here.
3. A strong sense of competition. This is always emphasized, whether in the class or at play. They do it really creatively but I get the feeling that Chinese kids never let their guards down to relax. They’re always in competitive mode.
For example, the morning exercise has the kids jumping over and under a series of floral lines (they really know how to beautiful things here). The kids seem to love doing this in a continuous circle but the teachers egg them by saying, “Let’s see who can run the fastest…he’s the best!”
Then, the teacher hold a paper butterfly-cum-kite on a pole and the kids stream around her - visually, it’s a beautiful spectacle of a flowing sea. At close up, you’ll see the teacher waving the butterfly (or carrot on a stick!) just out of reach of the kids and they are all jumping as high as they can to reach it. NOBODY gets the touch the butterfly in the end. Cruel or what?
4. Noise, noise, noise - For the half day I’ve sat in to observe because Lucas refused to let me go, the only calm moment we had was when the teacher sat down to tell a story. Otherwise, the teachers are yelling for them to come here / eat / go to the washroom, the electric organ is plonked loudly for song and dance and loud music is played at activity time for aural stimulation.
When the kids started bawling again, the teacher would bang the piano keys as loudly as she could in order to drown out the noise - okay, if we can’t solve the problem, let’s just ignore it! Let’s play a beautiful song loudly to mask the ugly, harsh crying sounds of a frightened child.
Amazing because they use words like “bao bei” (PRECIOUS) to address the kids…
No wonder the Chinese speak loudly! How else are they’re gonna be heard over all that din?
PROS
I have to try really hard now to find what I like about the preschool:
1. Cleanliness
Compared to the others, this one is sparkling clean with fresh coats of paint. The children’s toilets and washrooms are also well maintained. The staff are all immaculately dressed and maintain hygiene at all times.
2. Nice playground
This is the the thing that attracted me as it’s a huge, spacious green field with a variety of apparatus for him to have fun with. He especially loves the trampoline! And also the climber and playhouse.
3. Patient teachers and ayi
I can’t speak for the first class as Ms. Spaghetti Strap has the petulant look which means she may one day snap and snap at the kids (just like what I saw at the initial preschool he was supposed to go).
On the whole, the teachers are INCREDIBLY patient and nurturing towards the crybabies. They’d take on the mother’s role and carry them, bring them for walks and comfort them EACH time they cry. Heck, stop reminding them of Mummy, right? After all, they are in school - why not focus on what’s fun at school?
4. Interesting culture
In spite of their strong sense of conformity, I find the Chinese interestingly creative in their arts and physical activities. His class teacher is an amazing storyteller - she managed to capture all 12 kids (stopped them crying, except for one) with her facial expressions, body movements and lilting voice.
I was mesmerized too even though I didn’t know what the story was about! It’s a farmer, a mouse and something else…
Their dance steps are really cool too - the morning exercise is actually a choreographed set of dance routines. Once all the kids pick them up, they are ready for a concert!
That’s my evaluation from the first week. I think Lucas should be OK immersing himself within the all Chinese environment - I really need to be his best friend at home and help him LIKE the Chinese language.
I chat a lot with our Chinese neighbour and we mingle with the locals at the playground. Hopefully, Lucas will see learning Chinese as a way for him to make new friends here. For now, he’s adamant that “apple” is “apple” and not “ping guo”! 
- Related posts:
Just caught up with your posts…boy, it’s quite a nightmare seeing how the school system is in China. I hope things get better for you guys.
August 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I don’t know how else to tell you this … such situations do not only happen in China. And the teachers who seem like monsters to you now may or may not have behaved that way when they first joined this profession. I personally know someone who’s a pre-school teacher, and she’s a gentle, patient, and children-loving person, but she, too, has her share of “explosive” moments. It’s always easy to sit back and look at the other side of the field, passing judgements on what’s right and what’s wrong, or what should be done and what should not be done.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Vien - I hope so too as we’d really like him to learn Chinese. For the amount of $ we are paying, I’m really not getting what what promoted i.e. “…based on Montessori and Froebel approaches”
Miloh - Yes, I know that life in the real world is not what we hope for it to be. Please don’t misunderstand me…I did not call the teachers “monsters”. If anything, I blame the parents for a) spoiling their kids and b) sending them to kindy when they are NOT ready.
I sympathize with the teachers (I WAS a teacher before) but at the end of the day, I’m a parent who is paying a hefty fee for her child to enjoy a positive preschool experience.
I am not at all happy that the SEVEN SCREAMERS are taking up all the teachers’ time when 10 other kids who are happy to be in school are not enjoying it at all…
August 11th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
That is why I am procrastinating the effort to register my boy for pre nursery. I know most kids his age are already in some sort of non parent accompanied programmes but I doubt my boy; being a first class koala is all ready for the separation. Ahh.. hate to think about it.
The school allows you to be with Lucas for how many days?
August 11th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Yvonne - If Ryan has little buddies to play with, then he doesn’t need preschool yet. Lucas is always alone with me and he’s really bored sometimes and will bug me then! Mums can be there as long as needed to settle the kids in. The teachers will guide/advise you on when you should leave esp if they see your child doing well.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:45 am
That sounds really traumatic, with the teachers forcibly separating the children from their parents/grandparents. Hope Lucas is settling in well, and I still haven’t started scouting around. Btw, done the bookworm tag.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:45 am
A Mom’s Diary - I think the teachers hate doing it but the kids are really very attached to their Mums and primary caregivers. Probably they didn’t know how to prepare the kids for school. Also, they set themselves up for disaster because they hang around to peek in the window! As if the kids can’t see them…(faints)
August 13th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
My 1st son went to an all-day preschool in the states when he was 3. It a was traumatic experience. My second son went to a 1/2 day preschool where the parent stayed the whole time. He developed much better emotionally and intellectually.
Now my 2 year old daughter is in China and after read this article I am reluctant about having her attend preschool.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:33 am
I just called my wife in China and verified that she’s not leaving our 2 1/2 year old daughter at the preschool. My wife says she’s going to sign up as a volunteer to stay near her.
Thanks everyone for the info!
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Vince - I’m surprised to hear of your 1st son’s experience in the States as I’ve been told their methods are more advanced. Could it be due to culture shock?
I hope this post didn’t “scare” you. Please bear in mind that it was written in the first week this Mum was there. It was a real culture shock to this English-speaking Mum!
I toyed with the idea of volunteering at the kindy, I decided not to as I don’t like the idea of having my kid “tied to my apron strings”.
In your case, I wonder if both of you are more anxious because your girl is the youngest one?
For me, my son needs to grow up and as hard as it is, for his own good, as his Mother I need to let go
Look out for the progress report I’ll post next!
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I don’t think it was culture shock because all my kids were born in the states (4th generation asian-american).
Actually, I attribute the bad experience of my 1st son due to the preschool’s long hours, his separation anxiety, my being too anxious, and most importantly, not tending to his emotional needs (i.e., watching his emotions as a barometer/compass to his developmental direction).
The teachers were young, inexperienced, frustrated, underpaid (go figure, the tuition was about $5000 USD). Perhaps they punished him too harshly with too many time-outs.
In hindsight, I should have spent the time after picking him up from school to let him express any and all his feelings associated with his day at school(with no interruption as long as he needed, and with validation).
This would have strengthened him emotionally to prepare him to face future eventual difficulties rather than make him dislike school, learn to blame others, be overly aggressive, and basically be pessimistic about life.
I still didn’t understand this when my 2nd son was small so what I did was shelter him (from difficulties) for many years. Luckily, I weaned him from my sheltering the last few years in time for him to bloom.
Kids are very durable; they just need to feel deep down that they are unconditionally loved by both their parents.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Kitty,
I got your email explaining your tentative plans for your child’s educational experience.
I am surprised that a new mom can be so “right-on” about how to raise a kid. Maybe moms instinctively know better than dads. Of course, you must’ve had a good role-model in your own mom?
Would you post that email for the benefit of others? Thanks-a-bunch!
September 4th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Vince - Your family must have gone through a lot when you put your kids in school!
I find time-outs very effective when my son is especially naughty, which is not surprising since nobody likes to be isolated.
I’m really thankful that his current teachers are very patient and tolerant. If we had gone to the first one, I doubt Lucas would have adjusted this well.
Thanks for your words of praise
I’m happy you’ve found my posts helpful.
I LOVE kids and I had a really happy childhood. And yes, I have some of the most fantastic role models including my Mum, my father, my maternal grandmother, my aunties, uncles, friends and strangers.
I also read a lot (esp on human psychology) and observe people all the time. Heck, I really can’t help it esp as my line of work deals with people, people, people all the time!
I’m still learning…and I think your kids are going to be great esp with such a concerned, co-operative and engaged Dad like you
September 8th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Kitty,
My wife felt my daughter was ready to ride the bus by herself and so she did yesterday!
She’s not potty trained but the teachers are willing to help her with that…;)
Play time, reading, singing, exercise, dancing from 8am to 5pm with napping in between.
And there is a website where I can spy on the class thru a webcam :o)
All this plus three squares a day;
I’m surprised the tuition is only about $50 USD per month!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Vince - Which part of China are your wife and child in? That’s really cheap! I’m paying through my nose for Lucas’ preschool…
As he’s doing well, the teachers have AGAIN asked me to let him go on the minibus alone. I dunno. I planned to wait till he’s 3 even though the taxi fares are sucking me dry!
Err…spycams are good and bad. I think even little kids need some privacy? They don’t deserve a fishbowl even if it’s parents.
If YOU can see them, other parents (including men) can see your daughter too, know what I mean?
September 12th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
There’s alot of cases of child abuse and molestation by caregivers, guardians, teachers.
And unfortunately, oftentimes the child does not show any evidence of such abuse or even talks about it.
IMHO, a spycam (and only parents have the password to login) is a small price to pay to protect their innocence and fragile emotional developments.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Vince - Yes, I can understand your fears. As a woman, a mother and teacher, I’m well aware of the danger of physical and sexual abuse.
A spycam sounds good since parents are the only ones given access via the password.
However, the “SPY”cam presents a “voyeuristic” opportunity to those with privileged access.
1. Are the spycams everywhere? If yes, it’s such a horrifying idea. A girl’s worst fear is the spycam watching our every move in the classroom, the cafeteria, the library and the TOILET?
You’re spying on your child and other children. Are you protecting her innocence? You’re violating her right to privacy.
When will you stop? If her primary and secondary school offers you a spycam, wouldn’t you take up the offer also? I’ve taught teens who appear “angelic” in front of their parents but have completely different personalities out of their sight. Learn to trust them…
2. You may be able to see your daughter (and other kids) from the comfort of your computer.
Consider the idea that another MAN (parent/ teacher/ guardian/ caregiver etc) may be watching your daughter (and the other kids) for entirely different purposes.
I prefer not to have the spycam - paedophiles love pornography (photos and videos). Spycam access to a kindergarten sounds like heaven!
I’d focus on developing my child’s self-esteem and keeping the lines of communication open between us. I can’t protect him forever. I can only teach him to take care of himself.
If you can, read this book called “Little Girl Fly Away
“. All the best!
September 18th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
“…focus on developing my [our] child[ren]’s self-esteem and keeping the lines of communication open between us.”
Kitty,
I like your positive message. And I feel good the more I think about it.
Watching the child’s emotions carefully as an alert system in their development. Also, helping them learn that system as well.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Vince - Oh yeah, it’s really all that matters
My apologies if I sound like a “smarty pants”.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm